StupidStupidStupid
by Toxic Shade
Summary: Poor ol Sephy never seems to get a break from Avalanche repeatedly hassling him. When his chance comes to capture Cloud, he sits down and talks with him. What will he learn? stupidstupidstupid r&r plz
1. OMG! CLOUDS GONE!

Pyle: Anyone up for some AL-KEE-HOL?!?!

Me: I'm not saying it again. No more weed!

Tiumi: Weed kills.

Me: Smoke crack instead.

Tiumi: *glazed look on her face* weed kills?

Me: You drop dead on the first puff. Why?

Tiumi: *gulp* no reason.

Pyle: KICK EM IN DA BALLS! (Holds up a chair)

Me: Oh shit, what's he doing now?

Pyle: WHY WON'T THIS CHAIR WORK?!?! (hits the chair against the wall, smashing it apart)

Tiumi: 0_0

Me: I'll just...go...now...

Tiumi: Mind if I tag along?

_____

Sephy sat on the floor, holding up his Sephiroth and Cloud dolls. He spoke in a high-pitched, whiny voice as he imitated Cloud. "Oh my god, Sephy. How did you became strong enough to kick my ass so badly?" he shouted as he repeatedly bashed the Cloud and Sephy dolls together.

He spoke in a deep manly voice as he picked up the Cloud doll and whacked him across the room like a baseball with his Sephy doll. "Haha! I've always been stronger then you bramble-faced, cod-toed, belly-buckled, tree gnome!!"

The Aeris doll jumped up towards Cloud. "Oh no! Cloud! I suppose he couldn't stand up to such a handsome and strong man like Sephy..." he moved the Aeris and Sephy dolls together until they touched. "Oh make love to me!" he cried, smashing them together.

"SIR!" shouted a servant, rushing through a door behind Sephy. "Cloud and the others are on their way here, sir!"

Sephy gave a screech and pushed all the dolls together, hiding them from view. "Thank you, servant. I'll go and meet them. Did you see anything?"

The servant shook his head quickly. "No sir! I didn't see your action figures, sir!"

Sephiroth nodded. "Okay. Your dismissed!"

"Sir, yes sir!" said the servant, running out.

_______

Cloud and the others were just kinda sitting there. Actually, they were walking. But sitting there kinda sets the mood for the story, you know? Anyways, Cloud and his party were just sitting there, moseying along.

"Hmm..." Cloud muttered. Sometimes he asked himself these questions. "Am I an idiot?" He wondered aloud.

The reply was shouted by everyone else. "DUUUUUURRR!"

Cloud got this weird, hurt look on his face. Then, in his typical manner, decided to ignore the heathens of stupidity and march along. "You know what?" murmured Tifa. "I think I'm gay"

Everyone turned and stared at her. No, incorrect. Everyone turned and GLARED at her. Hey, that rhymes you know? Stare and glare? Hehehe. Anyways, everyone turned and GLARED at her. She just looked at everyone strangely. "What?"

"Um...that's...nice..." Aerith murmured, jogging about ten feet ahead of her. Tifa seemed to have a green glow all over her. Barrett looked at her strangely. "I smell...materia!"

"Manipulate" murmured Vincent. Then he turned and seized Yuffie by the throat. "GIVE ME THE DRUGS!"

"Okay, okay!" she shouted. She handed him a tree branch.

"You did the right thing" said Vincent, taking them from her.

Suddenly, Sephiroth came racing in on a golf cart going more then 40 miles an hour. But then suddenly Cloud came driving in and smashed him away with his new 99 Dodge, and then Tifa suddenly...!

Whoa, hold on there for a second. I'm getting carried away with the story here. Can we start over? Good, kay.

Cloud and the others were walking along. Everything was all hunky-dory. Nothing really happened for a couple of hours. They were about ten feet away from Sephy's headquarters, but Cloud was awfully stupid and...damn! I'm doing it again! I'll try to make this story a bit normal from now on.

Sephy suddenly lunged outwards grabbed Cloud, tore him to shreds, then jumped back inside of his HUGE SPOOKY CASTLE.

The end

Okay, I'm not telling the exact truth. Sephy did in fact jump out and grab Cloud, but he didn't tear him to shreds. He's too nice to do that. Instead, he hogtied Cloud up in the blink of an eye and rammed him into a pillar a few times to knock him out. When Cloud was thoroughly out cold, Sephy dragged him inside, okay? We will proceed from here. But that's in the next chapter, sorry! Bye, :D.

The others looked around. "Clouds gone" murmured Cid. "Yeah" replied Yuffie. Everyone just stared at the empty spot where Cloud had been at a moment ago. "LET'S HIT THE PAHHHHTY!!!" screamed Yuffie. The other agreed, and in no time, they were at Coste Del Sol getting sun tans on the beach. Poor Cloud. His buddies hate him.

Hope you liked the fic. It's NOT OVER YET!

_______

Pyle: Wa^70P my #()MIE$

Me: Uhh...

Pyle: Will u ru& my huge b0n4r

Me: Sure, get me a microscope.

Tiumi: A sequal COULD be on the way...5 reviews could buy you one.

Pyle: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! FEEL MY PAIN FOR YOURSELF!

Tiumi: Sorry about that. He's just finished Xenosaga and he think he is Albedo now.

Me: Me and joe figured out a cool pairing name. Sephiris. Get it? Sephiroth and Aeris? Sephiris? Oh man, I kill myself!

Tiumi: God, I wish!


	2. Poor ol' Cloud

Pyle: Hey guys, sorry this chapter took so fuggin long to get out. There's been a lot of problems with the computer and a bunch of girl problems. Mainly girl shit. Also, you know what I think? Whoever said true love doesn't have to be bought was a fucking IDIOT.

Me: Boo-friggidy hoo. 

Tiumi: Hey, we've got a lecture to tell here. Or, more bluntly. SHUTTHEHELLUP!

Pyle: I spent two and a half years of my life on Jessica, and all she does is talk to that dumbass Gary now.

Me: Don't let him start. 

Pyle: Another note to make is that my keyboard is not working correctly. You will constantly find wrds without the letter "o" in them in the story. The space bar just plain doesn't work anymore, so I'm doing a little copy and paste thing between each word.

Tiumi: It's harder then it sounds.

Me: Sounds pretty hard.

Pyle: Oh yeah. Anyone seen "School of Rock?". I LOVE THAT MOVIE. I worship it. I am going to buy the DVD and VHS.

Me: I hope you die sometime in your life.

Tiumi: I intend to live forever. So far so good. 

Pyle: Anyways, the story is starting. Try not to act as stupid as usual, okay? 

_____________

"Hey, Cloud, want some cookies?" asked Sephy. I mean Sephiroth. Sephy sure does sound like a wussy name doesn't it?

Cloud was tied up in like fifty chains so the only thing you could see was his hands, feet, and head. "What kind? I mean, wait a minute, I bet they're poisoned"

"Oh, don't worry, I baked em myself. They're pretty damn good actually" Sephy munched on a Snickerdoodle. Just then a loud beeping noise went off. "My cherry-rhubarb pie!" he shouted in a shocked tone.

"Hold this sword for a sec will ya?" Sephy handed Cloud his sword, then turned and rushed away. Cloud was struck dumbfound for a moment. What kind of stupidass villain left his enemy take his weapon from him? Sephiroth did apparently. Apparently also, he liked strawberry rhubarb pie.

What a dumbass.

Sephy came back with a couple of slices of pie. The chains binding Cloud dropped right off. He collapsed to the floor one foot from the pie. "You could have just said 'please'" murmured Sephy, munching on his slice of pie.

Cloud took a bite. Sephiroth may have been a stupid son of a bitch, but he could sure as hell cooked good.

____________

"Hey you guys, shouldn't we be like, searching for Cloud?" asked Tifa. She was in a really revealing bikini. ULTRA-HOT, in other words. Yuffie was sitting next to her, also looking ULTRA-HOT.

"I don't want to" moaned Yuffie. "This seems like a much better thing to do then find Cloud"

Tifa glared at her. "I can't believe your just going to abandon him! He's probably in some cold, dark dungeon, fighting for life while he is tortured to death" Tifa said in Shakespear style.

____________

"BS" muttered Sephy, shoving the pile of cards in Cloud's direction.

"Shit!" shouted Cloud. "I suck at this game!"

____________ 

"For some reason, I don't think so" replied Yuffie. "Cloud's big and dumb. If he wants to, he'll come crawling back to us"

Tifa sighed. "I guess your right. In the meantime, will you put this tan lotion on me?" Tifa produced a bottle of white lotion.

Yuffie grinned. "Certainly"

_____________

"So, Sephy, why are you trying to destroy the planet anyway?" asked Cloud.

Sephy th- I mean SEPHIROTH - thought about that for a moment. And then for a minute. Then for a couple of hours. "Well, doesn't it sound cool?"

Cloud thought about that for a moment. Then he ate a slice of pie. "Your right. It IS pretty cool" he agreed. "But no one will thinks its cool if they are all dead" 

"Oh my god, your RIGHT!" Sephy stood up. "I'll put a stop to it at once"

A/N: Right now, something weird has happened to my screen. The entire thing has turned a tinted yellow. My computer is fucked UP! Until I get a new monitor and keyboard, I plan to postpone this fic.

______________

Pyle: Whoa. This computer is like, melting down.

Me: Perhaps it's because you created it entirely out of old 'American Pie' VHS tapes and Petroleum Jelly?

Tiumi: We eagerly await the 12 and a half hour Final Fantasy XI patch to finish so that we may continue playing. Happy holidays everyone. I am now level 17. 


End file.
